Dear Alice,

It's been 1 week and almost 3 days since you've moved on to a better place. It feels like forever... the day after you passed roy and I went for a run and he mentioned how even though he had prepared himself for what happened... he doesn't think it made it any easier. as you know you're service was beautiful... sister, brother and i worked our putaskis off to make it happen (could you expect less for a princess?!?) and i have to tell you that for the most part we kept it together. how about mom's speech? i hated having to follow her and thank goodness that dad decided to go next. i love him yes i do.... but he sure has a way of getting over dramatic. i bet you were thankful and rolling your eyes at the same time during his thanks giving! but dad has never been one for taking the "Cliff Notes" route. i have to be honest that i'm happy you're not suffering anymore. i believe that what happened will make a positive difference for others to come. you probably know this better then i do.. =) so let's see... i'm about to polish off a nice bottle of cab, it's almost midnight, i have my headphones on because it's become way to quite here at home. i miss hearing your O2 tank go... swishhhhhhhhhh, bluhhhhhhhhhhhhhh all night long. i still owe you 2 buck$ after buying us dinner at Pedros. you bought me salmon sister and it was soooooooooooooooooooo good!!! sorry that the salsa was so hot. i'll never forget your look... half shock / half disgust. maybe i should go to bed but i really like listening to this song... chingers said you really liked it and i really hope you did because we played it at your funeral. it was the first song i ever learned how to play on piano. i used to try impress girls at parties by playing it but i can honestly say it never got me anywhere. all my friends can contest to that!!! LOL
Well.... i'm going to go kiss your Piggy Pillow goodnight and wake up your brother by making my bed. funny how i wake him up at night by turning on the light and he does the same to me every morning... besides wednesdays when he gets to go in late... wait a minute. that's tomorrow?!? he's blowing it. ok, ok.. new song. "maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow"
I love you princess...
till tomorrow,
~brother

Recap of when Gregg was in town....

About to finish my day up here in the Matrix... seriously I'm working at Matrix right now!!! So the last two weekends have been pretty out of control. My good friend Gregg came into town with his beau Justin and what a party it was at good ole Matteo's!!! I actually paced myself for once (must be getting wise with age) and had one hell of a night. My really good friend Sean came through as did Mikey Bonez, Geno, Monkie and Annick. We started the night off at Steve Auch's house to celebrate his Bday and pass around bottle after bottle of Strawberry Hill?!? I think we were reaching for our old school days when that shit actually did something to us. It was great seeing Josh Deale, Jason, his brother Brian (who is visiting from Taiwan.. I think I see a trip there in my future) and his beautiful wife Joanna. After Steve's we headed off for Matteo's and it was on from there. Everyone was having a great time and eventually the guitar made it out into my and geno's hands and thus begin the jam session. There is an older Coldplay song called 'Scientist' which I taught myself to play the day before because it reminds me of Alice and everything that she's going through. I think it would be safe to say that we played that song over 50 times and by the end Gregg threatened to puke if we played it again. Annick and I had a private serenade from Geno which was nice nitecap to the evening. As soon as the morning came we were at it again drinking and having a good ole time but unfortunately we pissed off Matteo's girl and we decided to move on. The remainder of the day was filled with beautiful vistas, winding roads, crazy showers, more Scientist, shots of Jack, lot's of tears and lot's of laughs!!! It was a crazy emotional rollercoaster and very much needed. Here's a pic of Annick and I playing some form os Twister!!!

Dear Mom...

Talk about time flying by... In a couple days I'll have been here 2 months. A couple days ago my family had a big surprise party for my Aunt Lynne's 40th birthday and tomorrow we'll all be at her place for Spencer's birthday/Superbowl party!!! I'm 2 weeks into my new job and so far it's been the best job I've ever had. I couldn't be happier right now even with everything that has been going on and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing?!? Roy and I have pretty much become conjoined twins since we do everything together. I know I wouldn't be as determined or focus if it weren't for him and I think he would say the same. We're each others best friend bar none...

Alice has decided to look into going to Baltimore for a Ewing's Phase Trial they offer there. Her and my mother Donna are inseparable like Roy and I have become. If they end up going they'll be gone for thirty days in the beginning leaving the house to Roy and myself. Maybe I'll get to actually sleep in a bed while they're gone?!? LOL Nah... I like where I sleep these days.

Mike from FullWell Studios in Phoenix is going to send me a CD of all the tracks we've cut so far without any vocals early next week. I've been reading a lot and have begun the process of putting down some ideas down on paper for what will eventually become songs. A couple years ago I wrote a song called "Somebody" for my mother since she was going through so many changes and tribulations. I recently revisited this song and completely redid it. What was once a slow ballad has become an up tempo rock song with yearnings of hope and better days. I finalized the lyrics around an hour ago and decided to post them up here. This song WILL be on my next record as I can already hear the final version in my head and is kind of a testament of what and where my head is at right now. The words may seem a little tragic but trust me... this song has optimism written all over it. For now I'm calling it "Donna"

Donna
I wish it were simple something I could fix
But my fathers pride is his crucifix
And sometimes, sometimes… you gotta let it go
Cause if you hold it all inside then you'll never even try
And all your dreams will die as they fall into the sea
What's the lost in this world's been replaced with a daughter and son
And now you're finally free
You're biding your time
You're biding your time
Can someone show us the way back around
Can someone show us the way back around
I wish I had the answers to all of this
Mending their dejected relationships
But sometimes, sometimes… it's better that I don't
Cause if I held it all inside then I'd never even try
And all my dreams would die as they fell into the sea
What's the lost in this world's been replaced with a daughter and son
And now I'm finally free
I'm biding my time
I'm biding my time
She's tethered and drowning cause she holds the blame
And my voice is empty and my shoes are stained
She closes the window as it starts to rain
I wonder if she feels if we hurt the same
She starts everyday with a laugh and a prayer
Hoping tomorrow he'll finally fight fair
Yeah we hear the warnings but we're still around
Show us back around, the way back around… back around, back around
Show us back around, the way back around… back around, back around

CHEAT DAY!!!

So these days I'm either spending my time eating, in the gym, jamming on my sisters guitar (broke 2 strings on mine and I'm just too lazy to re-string the entire thing...) or running obscene distances with my brother Roy. This past Saturday we ran to 49er headquarters, then continued on to Lick Mill creek, up alongside the levy all the way to River Mark plaza. Which is around 3.5 miles from our house here in Sunnyvale. We did some crazy Rocky sprints before turning around to come back and by the time we got home I was in complete duress. The best part is that we push ourselves this hard so we won't feel so bad a couple hours later while we tear into 2 dozen Atomic Wings from the World Famous... Cluck U!!!! Anyone who knows me even a little bit would know that Chicken Wings happen to be one of my All-Time favorite foods. The only problem with Wings is that you need ice cold beer to wash all that spiciness down and after a full football season. Well... let's just say the pants don't fit as good as they did before the season started. But fucking "A" are Cluck-U wings worth it!!!! Afterwards we crossed the street and took a tour of Santa Clara University. It's such a beautiful campus and my little brother lit up while we walked around checking out all the scenery. I missed my chance to go to college but told him that he could go to any school he wanted to if he applied himself. With every new day I'm trying more and more to seize these opportunities that are presented to us throughout our lives. Sometimes just getting out of bed is tough enough... so how hard is it going to be to really make a dent in all these different aspects of my life that I want/need to change?!? What I do know is that it is possible and as long as I stay focused I'll eventually get there. I have to want to do it for me...

January 16th, 2007 - Tengo un Coche Grande

It's around 10:30am on a beautiful sunny but cold day here in the bay. I've been here for a little over a month now but it doesn't really feel that long. A lot has changed since I've been here and I plan on a lot more change as the days go on. As most of my friends and family know... I came back home temporarily to spend time with my sister Alice and help in any way I can while she continues her fight against cancer. And just for the record, this Blog isn't going to be a central point of every detail of how my sister is doing. My family created a website for her that explains everything in detail. It also has a cool page where you can leave her a message if you want. The address is http://www.araizanation.com if you have time to check it out. My time here has already proved invaluable and every moment we all spend together laughing, dancing, cooking, et cetera is priceless to me.

This is going to be an outlet I'll be referring back to once I really start getting into the recording of my next record. My first record "The Story of Za" was autobiographical with only a little fiction mixed in. It covered a time of my life where I did a lot of crazy things and went through a lot of different changes. Back in 2002 I decided to move to Arizona after losing pretty much everything due to my consistency in making bad decisions. Those choices left me broken, mournful, pessimistic and doubtful to say the least. But they also left me determined to prove myself to everyone that I wasn't a no talent bum with a drinking problem.

Skip to 2007 and once again I have found myself in an uphill battle to prove myself. But this time around my motivation and drive is coming from somewhere different all together. Today I am a 30 year old man (who I'll admit... still acts like a complete adolescent jackass) carrying the same dreams I did 10 years ago. Music is my life in every aspect from creation to consumption and I believe this will never change. What I do know is that the music I'll be creating for my next record is going to be 100% authentic. And the only thing that means is that I'm going to do what I do best. I'm done trying to be things or people I'm not. I have such an amazing team in my corner working with me on this record and I think they see my strengths more then I do. So even though it's been tough and will continue to push my buttons. I'm going to give my opinion and then shut the fuck up because I DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING when it comes to my music. I've accepted the fact that I'll never be able to do it all like my ultimate muse Prince. I'll leave the genius to him and just stick to the easy shit.

Looks like it's that time to go but before I do. I wanna say what's up to my little brother Roy. He turned 17 this past December and has been a Godsend to my overall health and sanity. When I first arrived here back in the beginning of December I was in pretty bad shape both mentally and physically. I was depressed a lot, smoking consistently and drinking way too much. One month later a lot has changed... still have a very long way to go but with his help I'm def. on the right track.



"My fingers hurt."
"What was that?"
"My fingers hurt!"
"Well, now your back is going to hurt too because you just scored landscaping duty!"